There are days when I feel that I will never make it through. It is not easy having a baby who is not well and there are so many things that we will have to learn along the way with baby Kaiya. However, when I think back, it was the same with Benji. He was our first child and it was hard because we didn't know what we were doing. We were new...we are still new. We are new because we have never sailed these waters of having a baby with a heart defect, DiGeorge syndrome and a weak immune system. I love being a mom, it is one of the biggest blessings of my life but that doesn't make it easy. I am a selfish person. I forget that there are people who have it so much worst than we.
We made a few friends in KC this past summer. One couple stands out to us. Their son has Downs and a heart defect. He has already had two open heart surgeries and is awaiting another in the spring. He has a third surgery to put in a trach and a G-tube. He will be coming home but will have a in-home nurse to help care for him. I think about this couple and how strong and positive they are. I have been a mother longer than they have but they have taught me so much about how to love your children. I also think of the parents that have lost their children. When Kaiya was in the PICU after surgery there was a baby boy in the room next to us who lost his life. Chris just happened to walk through and saw MANY Drs in his room and they were pumping his chest. Another couple, the Stones, lost their little Hadley after open heart surgery. Do I have the right to complain about how hard my life is? Where do I get off thinking that I am more important than the next person.
I guess I have tunnel vision. I think of myself and I take care of myself...forgetting that there are others out there who DO have it bad, worse than me and my problems. I am learning to be grateful for the blessings in my life. I have my sweet baby to hold in my arms, she is home and it growing and doing well. I have a family who loves me and needs me and takes care of me. I am truly blessed by my great Lord and I am learning to just let go and let him work where he will and trust that he will do HIS will in my life.
2 comments:
Kim, thank you for the reminder that we are truly blessed to be mothers, wives and friends. I too have days of selfish thoughts, especially when weather is not sunny:)I really need to start my blog up.
It is hard to not have tunnel vision; especially when you're at home with the kids. And we do need to think outside of our tunnel but don't beat yourself up about it too much. It is a hard thing you are going through.:)
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